Pancakes

Some days start with pancakes.
And, long stretches of procrastination.

Music.
Feeling lonely.
Staring out of the window.
Some more pancakes.
Tea.

Today.

Oh, rats!

A cat chases a rat. A rat runs from a cat. There is intrigue, the chase is real (almost always), and all the chasing-and-running-and-chasing clearly has a consequence. I have never been much of a believer of opposites-theory. Or, rather, not been a believer of much of anything. But, I guess I am beginning to see reason in the cat-rat chase. One has to like to chase, and the other has to like to be chased. Put two cats, or two rats together, and it couldn't work. Not even if one of the rats pretended to be a cat - you should know that wouldn't last too long!

Folie à deux.

Too weird if I said it's a beautiful thought? Romantic, even?

Folie à deux.

Soundboard.

I haven't heard from you for a while now.

I grew anxious when I first noticed the change.
Was something wrong? With me? With you? Between us? I couldn't be sure. But, something must be wrong. We did not talk about such things. We did not talk about feelings. Well, at least not the ones that directly concerned either, or both, of us.

Anxiety turned to speculation.
Was something changing? With me? With you? Between us? I couldn't be sure. But, something must be changing. We did not talk about such things. We did not talk about changes. Well, at least not the ones that directly concerned either, or both, of us.

Speculation turned to acceptance.
Was this a new beginning? With me? With you? Between us? I couldn't be sure. But, this must be a new beginning. We did not talk about such things. We did not talk about beginnings. Well, at least not the ones that directly concerned either, or both, of us.

I haven't talked to you for a while now. Why haven't I? 

'Just as far in as you'll ever be out.'

A rhapsodic way of saying stuck in the middle; that was my first impression when I first heard the line. And the logical thing to do is to keep moving. Grow the distance from one end, in order to get closer to the other.

Or, could it be?

What if you didn't start from one end, but somewhere in the middle? And, what if you didn't know how you got there, or, which end you were making your journey towards? What if you haven't been travelling in any one direction all this while, but back-&-forth and forth-&-back - vacillating - undecided on which end out you want to choose? What if this isn't about that one precise preordained moment of being in the middle, after all, but of all of the journey? And, what if, just when you pause to consider this, the tunnel is altering and you will always be just as far in as you'll ever be out.

A cat named Dog and a dog named Steed.

I once had a cat
I called him Dog.
I bought him a collar, and
A tag that spelt out D-o-g.
I'd chase him down perches
And find him chasing bees
But never picking my paper
Or wagging to please.
I didn't like cats
But he was my Dog.
So I watched him,
Pick after his poop
Lick his coat clean
Get his milk,
And leave no trails.
I loved him much,
This Dog of mine.

I now have a dog
I call him Steed.
And I love him much,
This Steed of mine.

Gotta keep 'em there, in my pocket.

'Then I guess you've got to just stay here, in my pocket' said the voice at the other end. No, it wasn't a random chat-up line or an ex caught up in a cheesy moment! It happened to be a rather Do-I-have-a-choice-but-to-deal-with-this-now work moment. So there I joined, with my cackle into their earphones, on another's jogging track. And I have since come to cherish this picture of myself, a really tiny me, swaying in a gigantic sweatshirt pocket!

When I run, I carry my music and my thoughts. I sometimes take a longer stride or skip a step, to keep in sync with the rhythm of my thoughts and the music. I fancy breaking into a bollywood number when 'Suraj ki bahon mein' makes it's sunshine entry. I should do it, some day; or why, every day! I sing along, I mumble. I try to make a plan for the day. And mostly, that ends up being the only structured work that I'd have done that day- make a plan. And I heed to some more thoughts, and at the end of the trail I think, 'I've got to put you away now, in my pocket'. And I picture me, a really tiny me, swaying in a gigantic sweatshirt pocket!