My junkyard.

At age nine when kids my age chased dogs and caught dragon flies, I wandered the block collecting ‘stuff’ I called ‘creative junk’. They were safely deposited into a carton I nicknamed ‘My Junkyard’. Soon the junk grew to two, three, four.. ten.. cartons, and when I moved to my apartment two years back I finally created ‘my creative junkyard’ above the garage. My work is inspired by the random objects collected in different periods of life. Random thoughts. Random emotions. Random inspirations. My friends called it trash. They now call it art.

(A write-up for a concept board that I'd done couple of years back, and stumbled on accidentally today. The garage is still a distant dream. But, someday.)

'I am not a concept.'

The movie was mediocre. The underlying concept- of an artist's view of his world and his muse in 'A Frozen Second', both the idea of freezing time at your will and unravelling a person's being in that frozen second - was intriguing. Was it a violation of their privacy?, the protagonist wondered, and I did too. Unlike when you sit down for a portrait, your physical and emotional being at that moment being a deliberated attempt at what you choose to freeze in time, the frozen second catches you in an unguarded and a possibly private moment.

The relationship between an artist and the muse has always fascinated me. For the artist to seek meaning and beauty in something with its own temperament, one that may be complimenting or contrasting to the artist's own, yet continually inspiring and challenging; and for the muse to let another perceive the reflections of one's unguarded thoughts and vulnerabilities, and allow it form - I believe there is immense trust (and often a shared passion) in such a synergy. How does one find it, or grow it, I have wondered many times.

I reckon it is in many ways similar to love. Unless you are willing to give a part of you, you do not find the other part.

"I am not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours." 
- Clementine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

That is oftentimes my state of mind. And, I think I am my own concept.

But every once in a while, may be you do want someone to see you. Whether you choose to create the painting or be the painting, you want to put a part of yourself out in the world.

"I wanted to be the muse, I wanted to be the wife of the artist, but I was really trying to avoid the final issue- that I had to do the job myself.” 
- Anaïs Nin